The Dual Journey of Grief and Fatherhood
Carrying The Legacy Forward
Not even four months after my father transitioned, while on a plane heading back from speaking at a college, I was alerted that my son had passed out and had some complications while I was in mid-flight.
The feeling of powerlessness I felt at that moment was extreme. Then, I had a thought: How do you keep going when all of life has attempted to dim your light and the fire in your heart? This was followed by a question: How would I handle another thing?
When the plane landed, I got off and ran through the airport while talking with my wife on the phone and getting updates. When I finally arrived at the hospital, our son had been unconscious for seven hours.
Once again, we found ourselves in the hospital for some time and are still navigating tests to figure out the best care to support our son.
We are back home now, and our son is back being a kid. But, after getting out of the hospital, the grief hit me even more than what I had been carrying, and so I took some time away to reflect deeply and process everything I had endured the past two years—my health, my father’s health before he passed, and now our son.
The emotions I feel today are complex. Today is hard as it’s the first Father’s Day without my dad here. I still cannot believe my dad has only been gone a little over four months. I miss his jokes, conversations, and laughter so much.
At the same time, I’ve been thinking a lot about fatherhood and how grateful I am to be a present father to my children.
It’s one of the most important things in my life—to be a present father! The time we spend, our conversations, and the many days I get to be there and remind them how loved they are. So, I wrote words about what it means to be a father:
Sometimes, being a father means you carry the world and sacrifice in ways others may not know. It means being both brilliant and a target. It means being a generational curse breaker while sharing wisdom to mitigate harm from a trauma-filled society. It means being like a campfire that burns for all to sit around and get warm while also dealing with the labor and sacrifice of being consumed. It means being the trailblazer for your children and others who have never had a path.
It means being bold and courageous enough to express your emotions without fear of being called weak. It means owning your mistakes and doing inner work. It means being vulnerable while also being absolutely committed to courage. It means loving those around you without filters. It means being.
It means making healing a core value so your children know that it's okay to embrace wellness. It means having faith even when you are unable to see a way forward and trusting that God will always be present.
Today, I’m holding the tension between the joy of fatherhood and the grief of missing my own.
I haven’t been on social media much these days, but I wanted to share some words as I reflect on the promise I made to my father to keep showing up as much as I can.
I am thankful for another year as a father, and I’ll keep hugging these children for you, Dad.
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Incredibly powerful. Beautiful family. Your Dad looks like a blessed blast!💥