A Mother's Day Reflection

Finding Courage to Heal in Public

Tears are hitting my keyboard as I type these words on my laptop in the local coffee shop. It has been one year since my wife and I were involved in a near-fatal accident, and it is also Mother’s Day.

This day is a paradox, a story we couldn’t make up even if we tried.

I could take this moment to say that we have fully healed and life is back to what it once was, but I would be lying. It’s true that we have come a long way and have even been able to make some progress, but the reality is that we are not the same. I genuinely believe that it is only by God’s grace that we somehow have found ways to grow and show up for ourselves, each other, our family, and our community.

This was after my wife’s surgery. Both of us were in wheelchairs at the same time.

We lost mobility and some of our community after our accident, and our emotions are still vulnerable as we reflect on all the times when we could not show up in the ways we once did.

On top of that, our bodies still feel the trauma from that night, and we still don't have answers as to why this happened. That’s why I say, healing takes courage, and even more courage to do it in the public eye.

It has been gut-wrenching to go from flourishing and making so much progress with impacting the community and serving those vulnerable to being halted and vulnerable ourselves.

I could not work for almost eight months. We lost funds, and the people that hit us did not have insurance, which wiped out many savings.

Over the past year, we have had to sit in silence, embrace awkward waiting, and even deal with many people who caused us theological trauma—blaming God for what we had to endure and experience.

Throughout our journey, we encountered numerous individuals who sought to provide explanations for our family's suffering in the public eye. It remains deeply distressing to acknowledge that so many chose to use God as a weapon, rather than simply offering their presence and love.

We had to sit in isolation for several months and ask, “Did God do this?,” “Would God want us to suffer like this?” or “Did we do something to deserve this?”

Over time, the questions turned into doubts, and we had to rely on each other for support and strength and pray that God would somehow intervene and allow us to heal—even if it was slowly.

I'll never forget the humiliation and disrespect I experienced for having a disability and using a wheelchair and a walker in public. I’ll never forget the silence I experienced from people and feeling forgotten when I could not move.

I’ll never forget the nerve pain we both endured and the nights my wife and I cried because the road to recovery seemed long.

I'll never forget having to look my children in the eyes and tell them that somehow I believed God would see us through, even when all my faith was gone.

I write all this to say that healing in public takes courage. Period. And, to find resilience during trauma came through vulnerability, which is why you are reading this.

As I write these words today, I am grateful that I get a chance to celebrate my wife for Mother’s Day. We have come a long way, and our family has become stronger because of my wife, Cecilia, and our ability to stand together in love.

She is our shero, our rock, and our joy. One year later, on this Mother’s Day, we get to thank God for life and express our gratitude for being here to celebrate together.

Our family on Mother’s Day 2023.

As we continue to show up and push forward today, I am reflecting on the words I wrote in an Instagram post when I could not walk independently due to the accident.

I hope these words I captured about healing offer you some hope today.

This year I fought to heal, which was not easy. Here are the top things I learned about healing from trauma:

1. A huge part of healing is remembering the trauma you experienced never took your worth away.

2. Healing from trauma may require you to relearn how you love yourself.

3. Healing costs so much, but the payment is never rendered in the form of money; it is paid through a commitment to the inward journey and inner work.

4. Healing doesn’t just happen. It happens with intentionality. It happens with grace. It happens each time you show up and refuse to stay unwell.

5. Healing might look like removing everything comfortable in your life that stunts your growth to create space for what might challenge you and bring more health.

6. Healing is also about confronting the wounded parts of yourself that you’ve ignored because of fear and shame.

7. Healing is taking the steps needed to heal every day but also realizing that you won’t feel like healing every day. That’s why recovery is about consistency.

And, after all these words you have read, I still believe that all THINGS are POSSIBLE with God!

Happy Mother’s Day!

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If you are looking for ways to support, feel free to support Love Beyond Walls or preorder my forthcoming book, “All God’s Children.”